im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
