I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
