I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
