She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
