the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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