Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
