His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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