True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
