ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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