I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
