I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
