I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
