Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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