I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
