i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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