Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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