She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Someone signed my nipple.
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