That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
