I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
