I wanna bring you to show and tell
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
