Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
