He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
