Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
