i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
