Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
