I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
