i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
