man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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