this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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