so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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