I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
