Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
