the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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