a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
