My liver just broke up with me...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
