I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
