I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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