so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You need a sexual gate keeper
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
