i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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