week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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