i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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