y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
