I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
