My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
