You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
