Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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