Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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