God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
