sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
