She went from zero to smokin in five shots
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
