Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
