He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
