if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
