I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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