Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize