rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize