so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
