well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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