I think im going to throw up on grandma
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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