I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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