I can tuck mytits in my pants
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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