we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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