k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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