so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
