Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
